What Could Have Been
by Gratiae
Summary: Sometimes life makes our decisions for us and all we can do is wonder. One-Shot.


**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS.**

* * *

Tony dropped his keys into the tray, stripping off his jacket and barely getting it hung in the closet before the thundering of a herd of elephants exploded down the stairs and into the foyer. Tony caught the noisy, uncontrollable beast in his arms as it hurled itself at him.

"Kate," Tony mumbled as he choked on a mouthful of curly black hair and ankles latched behind his back. "I missed you too, princess."

"Abba!" The grin on the child's face eased the exhaustion from Tony's mind and he hugged her tighter, letting for of the day's pain, of the death of Agent Wallner, and allowing Kate's carefree exuberance to fill him. Tony kissed her forehead and stroked her hair, breathing in the familiar scent of her shampoo. She felt like safety in his arms, his princess, his anchor; the precious bundle of unending energy who turned his house into a home, into a sanctuary from everything that waited outside these walls.

"Abba, Ema signed me up for Krav Maga today," Kate told him, latching her gangly arms around his neck and leaning against his chest, her chin resting on his sternum as she looked up at him.

"Oh she did, did she?" Tony smiled, brushing wayward curls from Kate's eyes so he could see her smiling face. Her face shone with excitement at the prospect and Tony saw her mother in her brown eyes.

Kate spoke happily about the equipment she and Ema picked out, but Tony's attention was over her head as he looked up as footsteps sounded on the stairs. Tony smiled when the owner of the footsteps stepped out onto the hardwood floor and into view. She gave him a sad smile and walked over without speaking, stepping into his one-armed embrace and tilting her head up to kiss him gently.

"I love you, Tony." Her tired eyes said more than her words, but Tony heard everything, understanding the way her arms held onto him as if she would never let go.

"I love you too, Ziva," Tony kissed her again, squeezing her arm and securing the other around Kate. His girls. Tony savoured the moment of holding both his girls, knowing that they were his and he was theirs and, while the death of Agent Wallner burrowed deep within him, Tony was home with his family and not lying on a slab in autopsy.

"Abba, can you make pasta for dinner?" Kate asked, pulling on his shirt pocket, completely unaware of the angst surrounding her. "Please, Abba? With meatballs, Abba?"

"Meatballs?" Tony asked her, forcing an excited smile to his face. "You want meatballs? You want meatballs? Who do you think you are demanding meatballs like that?"

"Your princess," Kate giggled, smushing her face to his and Ziva laughed at the sight.

"Well, I guess that's right," Tony kissed her cheek and put on the thick Italian accent that never failed to make her laugh. "Molto bene, principessa! Meat-a-balls it is!"

Ziva followed Tony and Kate into the kitchen and Tony plopped Kate up on the counter.

"Alright, what do we need for meatballs, Katie?" Ziva asked, opening the pantry and reaching for the ingredients.

"Grounded beef!" Kate pointed to the fridge as Tony pulled a tall, metal bowl from the cupboards. "And an egg. And milk. And breadcrumbs and or'gano and lots of garlic!"

"Do we need parsley?" Ziva asked, pulling spices from the rack. "Or pepper or salt?"

"Yes," Kate said firmly, kicking her feet back and forth.

"Don't forget the DiNozzo secret ingredient, princess," Tony tossed the ground beef onto the counter next to the bowl, taking an egg from the carton and grabbing the milk by it's handle. He closed the fridge with his butt and raised his eyebrows at the five-year-old.

"CHEEEEEEESE!"

"What kind of cheese?" Ziva prompted.

"Parmesan," Kate crowed, letting Tony pick her up and set her down on the stepstool in front of the metal bowl. Together, they mixed the ingredients together, kneading the meat and forming balls they set in rows on the baking sheet. Kate insisted on putting the sheet in the oven herself and stirring the pasta while the meatballs baked. Tony was separating the meatballs from the parchment paper when Ziva took two Rubbermaids from the cupboard.

"Kate," Ziva held the containers up with a smile, "can you think of anyone else who might need some dinner tonight?"

"Grampa Gibbs!" Kate's face flooded with excitement and she jumped off the stool, running to the coat closet for her shoes. Kate returned with her left shoe jammed onto her right foot and hopping around while she tried to shove her right shoe onto her left foot. "I want to show Grampa what I did in Hebrew school! Ema, where is my ark?"

"Kate! Katie, Katie," Ziva grabbed her daughter's shoulder and forced her to stop and stand still so Ziva could fix the child's shoes. "You have to pay attention to what you are doing, Kate. Your ark is on the mantel. You may go get it. Carefully."

"Do you think Grampa will help me make an ark? One of wood?" Kate asked, pulling the clay ark from the mantle next to the picture of Kate and Gibbs in Gibbs' basement working on boat number eleven. "And animals for the ark?"

"Oh, I think your Grampa would make you anything you asked him to, princess," Tony grinned, spooning steaming pasta into a plastic container and watching Kate run back to them, her ark cradled in two hands. Ziva closed the lid on the meatballs, stacking the container of parmesan cheese on top and picking up both items.

Tony opened the door, holding the pasta in one hand, and Kate ran out. Ziva passed Tony, stopping briefly to give him a kiss, and Tony locked the door behind him. By the time Tony and Ziva reached the sidewalk, Kate had already run across the lawn towards the house next door. Her feet were heavy on the steps up the porch and she burst into the front door without bothering to knock.

"GRAMPA!" Kate hollered unceremoniously, running through the house and clambering down the wood stairs to the basement. "Grampa, Grampa, Grampa!"

Gibbs grabbed her before she could even reach the bottom step and scooped her up into his arms, kissing her cheek and squeezing. "Hey, there, Katie."

"We brought dinner," Kate told him, smiling proudly as Tony and Ziva called a hello to Gibbs from the front door. "Spaghetti and meatballs."

"I do love spaghetti and meatballs," Gibbs said seriously, settling the girl on his hip and took the clay ark from Kate's hands. "Especially when my favourite girl makes it for me. So, tell me about this, Kate."

"I made it in Hebrew school," Kate said, "It's Noah's ark."

"I can see that," Gibbs nodded. "It's got a stem right here and a bow here. You've got a nice hull on this ark, Kate. Very smooth."

"Just like on the Abigail," Kate said, leaning her head against Gibbs' shoulder. "I worked really hard on it, Grampa. No one else did as good a job as me. Adam's ark was all bumpy and Ezra's had a mast. Ark's don't have masts, Grampa. They're river boats."

"How did I get such a smart granddaughter?" Gibbs smiled, kissing her again.

"Well, you keep her down here talking boats hours at a time, Gibbs," Tony joked as he and Ziva stepped through the doorway.

"Better she know about something useful, DiNozzo, instead of just being able to quote lines from movies," Gibbs put the ark on his shelf next to Kelly's suitcase and Kate nearly burst with pride at having her creation in such a place of honour.

"I'm hungry, Abba."

"Well, c'mon, princess. Let's go get plates and stuff."

Gibbs let Kate down, giving her a push towards the stairs and following her up. Kate darted past, chasing after Tony towards the kitchen, but Gibbs paused beside Ziva, putting an arm around her back and pressing a kiss to her temple.

"How are you doing, Ziver?"

"I'll be better when this one comes out next month," Ziva smiled, leaning into the comfort of Gibbs' hug and running her hand over her swollen stomach.

ooo ooo ooo ooo

"Gibbs?" Tony knocked on the door, but didn't bother waiting before stepping inside the house. "Gibbs?"

Tony got no answer and so he walked through the house, walking into the living room and stopping with a shake of his head and a smile. Gibbs was lying on the couch on his back with a book next to him on the floor, it's pages bunched up beneath the splayed cover as if it had fallen.

Kate was asleep squished between Gibbs and the back of the couch, cradled between his side and his arm, which was held snuggly around her even in his sleep. A little boy lay sprawled out on Gibbs' chest, his little hand clasped around the string of Gibbs' red USMC hoodie. Gibb's hand lay protectively over the toddler's back, holding him close as they slept.

The house had changed so much since the first time Tony stepped inside. Then, the walls had been beige and there was nothing of colour to be found anywhere. An old couch, an even older television. The house had no personality, no evidence of the type of person who lived there.

Now, the walls were still beige, but papered with children's drawings and photographs. There were toys littering the floor, a two-story wooden dollhouse in the corner, a wooden rocking horse whose paint was worn along the saddle, a bouncy seat that would fit a toddler, crayons and colouring books. There was an 18-inch doll in front of the television wearing a USMC shirt.

Kate blinked her eyes open and stared at Tony, smiling at him, but not making a move to get up. She snuggled further into Gibbs and Tony smiled.

"You have a good day with Grampa, princess?" Tony whispered, sitting in the chair to the right of the couch. Katie nodded. "Did you help Grampa with Eli?"

"Grampa made us mac and cheese and hot dogs and corn," Kate said. "I made sure Eli ate his whole plate. Then he used his potty without being told and Grampa gave him ice cream. Chocolate. I got some too. Grampa let me put sprinkles on it. The pretty pink and white ones. And hot fudge and whipped cream."

"Sprinkles, huh? Wow," Tony leant forward on his forearms. "What'd you do before dinner?"

"Grampa took us to the park. I got to play on the tire swing and Eli was playing on the bouncy seahorse. And then we played on the teeter-totter."

"Did you have fun?"

"Yup. But Eli fell off the swings and started crying and we had to come home. Grampa gave him a Hulk bandaid and kissed it better. Then Eli wanted to watch The Wiggles and I had to wait to watch The Dick Van Dyke Show with Grampa. Then Grampa fell asleep reading me Meet Rebecca. Eli was already asleep."

"Sounds like you had a really good day. Do ya think we should go home and go to bed?" Tony suggested.

"I think we should sleep here," Kate said, making to go back to sleep.

"Don't want Grampa to get lonely, DiNozzo," Gibbs said without opening his eyes.

ooo ooo ooo ooo

Ziva bent down and grabbed Eli by the back of the shirt as he tried to go running into the house with his boots still muddy from the soaking pitch. Eli squirmed is his mother's grip and Kate kicked her boots off and stripped the shin guards from her legs, peeling the socks off and leaving the whole mess in a pile by the door.

"Abba!" Kate ran through the door, not waiting for Eli to have his soccer stuff removed. "Abba! We're home! Abba! I scored the winning goal! Right between the keeper's legs! Abba! Aaaaaaabbbbbbaaaaaaa!"

"Katie, Abba is not home," Ziva said, letting Eli into the house. "Abba is at work. He has been at work since Thursday."

"Ema," Eli ran to the kitchen, throwing open the fridge and taking an apple juice from inside the door. "What's for dinner?"

"Chicken," Ziva called, collecting the soccer gear into a plastic bag and going straight to the laundry room. She put the bag on top of the washer and leant against the wall to take a breath. "We are having chicken and rice, Eli."

"I hope there's enough chicken and rice for four," Tony said tiredly, closing the door behind him. Ziva stepped out of the laundry room to see Tony standing in front of the door, his hair was singed at his left temple and his temple was bandaged, but a long bandage down his cheek had soaked through with blood. His arm was up in a sling and his nose was broken, bruised, and braced. A dark yellow blossomed in the beginnings of his eyes and Ziva took a step towards him, worry spreading across her face.

"Tony," She was less than a foot from him when Kate flung herself at him, knocking him off balance. Tony grunted in pain, falling backwards

"Katie!" Ziva ran forward and pulled Kate off Tony, who lay sprawled out on the floor, an expression of intense pain on his face.

"I missed you too, Princess," he wheezed.

Ziva bent down and helped Tony to his feet, leaning him into the family room. "Tony, are you - what happened?"

"Well, we caught the bastard, but he had a bomb. And a really good left hook and a crazy rugby tackle," Tony told her, kissing her cheek as she hugged him gingerly. "Everyone's okay. McGiggles had to get stitches in his arm, but he's fine. Abs is taking care of him."

"I am glad you are home," Ziva brought her hand up to touch his bandage. "We should change that. Katie, can you get Ema's first aid kit for me?"

Tony heard Katie's footsteps go through the house and a chair scrap across the tile floor. A cabinet opened and shut and the footsteps began again. The curly black head popped back into view and the girl attached to the hair held out a clear Rubbermaid box in front of her.

"Here, Ema," Kate held out the box and Ziva took it.

"Thank you, Katie. Tony, sit."

"Yes, ma'am," Tony gave half a smile and sat on the couch obediently as Ziva opened the box and began pulling out items. She untaped the bandage from his face and began wiping the cut clean of dried blood.

"Abba, you should be more careful," Kate said seriously as she sat next to him and Eli came running, having changed out of his soccer kit and into his Captain America pajamas.

"Abba, what happened?" Eli stopped, skidding a beat on the tile in his socks.

"I'm alright, son," Tony smiled reassuringly and Eli came over far more tentatively to sit on the other side of Tony and curling against his father's side, his thumb stuck in his mouth. Tony scooped the little boy up into his arms and held the four-year-old snuggly against his chest as Ziva attached a new bandage over the cut.

"Much better," Ziva pronounced, closing the box and crumpling the trash in her hand.

"Hey, I have an idea," Tony said, cuddling Eli close as he saw the little brown eyes beginning to water. "Instead of chicken and rice, lets order a pizza with everything on it, camp out here on the couch and watch movies."

"Really, Abba?" Eli asked, snuggling his head into Tony's chest. "Can we watch Finding Dory?"

"Only if we can watch Finding Nemo first," Tony laughed, kissing Eli's head. "Does that sound good Ema?"

Ziva nodded with a smile, reaching to pick up Eli from Tony's lap. "Let's let Abba wash up and we'll all change into pajamas. I'll order the pizza. Eli, can you find the movies?"

The house was a flurry of motion and before long, the four were lounged out on the couch eating pizza and watching Nemo swim out to touch the butt. Ziva sat leaning against Tony, his arm slung comfortably around her shoulders. Eli was against Tony's other side, happily inhaling his pizza, and Kate sat next to Ziva, her feet tucked under Ziva's thighs. By halfway through Finding Dory, the pizza was gone and only Ziva and Tony were still awake.

"I love you," Tony reminded her, turning his head to kiss her.

"I love you also, Tony," Ziva tucked her head to his chest.

ooo ooo ooo ooo

Ziva watched carefully as Kate lit the match and held it to the wick of the first candle. She held the match just long enough for the wick to catch and then moved it slowly to the second one. Kate nearly blew out the match but remembered herself in time and put the match down on the little sliver plate between the silver candlesticks in front of the pushke box where Tony had already deposited the family's loose change. Kate looked to Ziva to reassurance before turning back to the candles.

Tony smiled proudly and put his hand on Eli's shoulder to stop the five year old from fidgeting as Kate held her hands out towards the candles, palms facing herself, and methodically moved them inwardly in three circles. On the third circle, she moved her hands up to cover her eyes. She took a deep breath.

"Barukh atah Adonai, Eloheinu, melekh ha'olam asher kidishanu b'mitz'votav v'tzivanu l'had'lik neir shel Shabbat. Amein."

"Well done," Ziva smiled. Abby burst into inappropriate clapping, a brilliant smile spread across her face. Laughing at Abby's exuberance, Tony began clapping too. Shrugging, Tim joined in, then Ducky and Jimmy, Breena, and their son Jeff. Gibbs was the only one who didn't clap. He stood quietly, with a happy, glowingly proud smile on his face.

ooo ooo ooo ooo

Ziva slipped into the bed, exhaustion heavy in her limbs as she rolled onto her side and reached for Tony where he lay on his back, his mouth open as he snored. Ziva made a noise of disgust, more out of habit than anything else, but moved towards him regardless. Tony gave a loud snore as she lay her head on his chest and she reached up to force his mouth closed.

Coughing, Tony turned his head away from her hand, his arm reaching for her waist as he slept. Ziva felt the comfort of his arms as they enveloped her and she closed her eyes. She was almost asleep when Tony gave a loud, purposeful snore right in her ear and she jumped.

"Son of a bitch."

"Love you," Tony's laugh was warm against her neck and he pressed a kiss there.

"I am quitting NCIS, Tony," Ziva said and Tony opened his eyes to see the burn across her face and the laughter passed from his eyes and smile. "I cannot go to work knowing I might not come home to my children anymore."

"Good," Tony said seriously, pressing a kiss to her lips. "I'm glad."

"Thank you for letting me make the decision on my own," Ziva said, her voice tired and sad. "Thank you for not pushing me."

"You're welcome, Ziva."

ooo ooo ooo ooo

Eli ran down the beach, sand kicking up around his feet as he chased after the German shepherd whose leach had jerked free from his hand at the sight of a swooping seagull.

"Jethro, come back!" Eli shouted and Abby laughed from where she walked between Tony and Ziva, swirling the handle of the black, lace parasol between her fingertips.

"I still can't believe you named that dog after Gibbs," Tony smirked.

"He looks like a Jethro!" Abby defended herself.

"He has been a good old dog," Ziva said, looking out to the water to see Kate helping Jeff make a sandcastle with Ducky and Jimmy. "McGee will be crushed when he died."

"Don't even say that!" Abby cried, wheeling around to stare at Ziva in horror.

"Yeah, Ziva!" Tony tried to keep from laughing. "How dare you. You know Jethro will live forever!"

"Shut up, Tony," Abby rolled her eyes, stomping away and then running after Eli.

"Alone at last," Tony grinned, warping his arm around Ziva's bare shoulders. "That bathing suit's sexy as hell, by the way."

"I cannot say the same for yours," Ziva said, looking pointedly at the bright red and blue stripped trunks.

ooo ooo ooo ooo

"Abba," Kate threw her lanky body down on the couch next to where Tony sat watching a Fred Astaire movie.

"Hey, Princess. Ema and Eli back yet?"

"Nope," Kate shook her head and stretched like a cat. "Abba?"

"Hmm?"

"Can you tell me about Aunt Kate?"

"Tell you about Aunt Kate, huh?" Tony muted the movie. "Well, I loved her a whole lot. She was my best friend."

"Better than Uncle Tim?"

"Yup. Your Aunt Kate… she was very proper."

"Was she like Ema?" Kate asked, even though she'd heard this story hundreds of times.

Tony laughed at that. "Not even a little bit. She was nothing like Ema. Aunt Kate and I fought all the time. She was always made at me and she hated when I quoted movies. She told me I was five at least thirteen times a week."

"Was she right?"

"Most of the time."

"All of the time," Gibbs told her with a smile, coming in the back door without knocking. "Kate was always right when she called you a five year old. She'd still be right if she called you one now."

"Thanks, Gibbs," Tony craned his neck back to look.

"Kate wasn't anything like Ziva," Gibbs sat down, his eyes far away. "But they were two sides of the same coin. She was a lot like you, Katie."

"Do you miss her, Grampa?"

"Every day. I miss her every day.

ooo ooo ooo ooo

"Five years ago, I stood pretty much right and spoke about my daughter, Kate, at her Bat Mitzvah," Tony addressed the crowd of friends and family filling the room. "Maybe a few feet to the left, but close enough."

Laughter flitted through the room.

"But now, it's Eli's turn," Tony turned to look directly at his son and not at the notes he'd written down for the occasion. "Eli, you are named for one of the bravest men I've ever met. Your grandfather, Eli David, was an amazing man. Always determinedly doing what he thought was right, always putting himself last and his country, his people first. He fought for the safety and survival of Israel, for the future of the Jewish people, for his family, for the grandchildren he didn't get to meet. Not many people realize he also fought for peace, but you do.

"Everything Eli David did was for the future, so that those who came after him would never had to struggle against what he did. Eli David was an amazing, brave, fearless man who spent his life trying to make the world a better place for his people. Your mother and I named you after him in the hopes that you might inherit a few more of his qualities than you did of mine."

Again, laughter rippled through the room. Ziva's lips were thinned together in an attempt to keep from snickering herself and Eli, sitting straight and tall in his brand new suit and blue and white tallis and kippah, beamed with pride.

"While I'm very proud that you can quote Cool Hand Luke and Casablanca and know every movie the King of Cool was ever in, no matter how much it annoys your mother, I'm far more proud of the ways you're like Eli. You are everything we'd hoped you'd be - proud, courageous, brave, determined, set in what's right. You're more than we could have dreamed of and we are so proud of you today and every day.

"Days like today are what Eli David fought for, you are what he fought for. You have his name and his spirit and with that, you can accomplish anything, Eli. Always believe what he believed - that anything is possible if you fight for it. You just have to decide what is worth fighting for. I love you, Eli. Mazel Tov."

ooo ooo ooo ooo

"You look beautiful," Tony whispered as Kate lowered her veil to cover her face. Kate smiled bashfully, smoothing down the skirt of her white dress.

"Thank you, Abba." She took three quick steps and threw her arms around his neck. "I'm so scared."

"You'll be fine, Princess," Tony carefully kissed her hair. "The most beautiful bride in the world."

"Except for Ema, of course," Kate objected, smiling, and Tony grinned. For a moment, he remembered how Ziva had looked in her wedding dress, the white lace that came down to flair out around her knees and then spread up, fitting her form beautifully, until the princess-cut neckline and the flower petal sleeves.

"Ema was stunning," Tony agreed, "but so are you."

"Have you seen the chuppah Grampa made me?" Kate asked, turning back to the mirror. She did look stunning, far more like Ziva then he'd ever realized. Her dress was long and flowing and the long sleeves made Tony think that, for all the ways she was like Ziva, maybe Kate had a little bit of her namesake in her as well.

"Grampa did a great job. As good as the one he made for Ema and I."

"Will you and Ema keep it for us until Andrew and I have a backyard to put it in?"

"Of course," Tony watched her fret with a smile. "Katie, princess, it's going to be wonderful."

"I don't want to leave you and Ema," Kate whispered, her eyes watering. Tony reached out and hugged her tight.

"Kate, you might be getting married, but Ema and I are never gonna let go of you," Tony kissed her temple. "Not in a million years, little girl."

"I love you, Abba."

"I love you too, Kate."

ooo ooo ooo ooo

Ziva wept openly, her tears soaking through Tony's shirt. Tony held her close, his own tears welling behind closed eyes, his face buried in her soft hair. The hospital waiting room was cold and distant around them, as if all the warmth had left the world when Gibbs did.

"He cannot be gone," Ziva sobbed. "We need him… _I_ need him, Tony."

Tony didn't answer; he couldn't find the words. They sat that way for an hour after the doctor had come to talk to them. Abby and Tim had arrived. Jimmy and Breena, Kate and Andrew, Eli and Sarah, Jeff. Everyone stood, expressing their own grief over the loss of the patriarch of their little family.

It was Tim who finally spoke. "At least he's with Shannon and Kelly now."

"And Ducky," Abby added, her nose running and her eyes bloodshot. "And Franks. And Kate."

ooo ooo ooo ooo

Ziva leant against him, happy tears in her eyes as she watched Eli holding the swaddled newborn in his arms. Eli stared in blatant awe at his son as the infant slept.

"We make good babies," Ziva whispered.

"Definitely," Tony agreed. "Any guesses on his name?"

Ziva shook her head, but Eli spoke.

"Sarah and I have a name, but we wanted to ask permission first," he said, finally looking up, away from the sleeping baby. "When everyone's here."

It was several hours before everyone was in the room and Sarah sat up in the bed with the swaddled baby in her arms. Abby was the first one to burst out with excitement.

"What's his name? What's his name? What's his name?"

"We wanted to know if it was alright if we named him Leroy Jethro. After Grampa."

ooo ooo ooo ooo

"Grampa!" L.J. squealed in delight as Tony picked him up, swinging him up onto his shoulders as he carted the toddler into the kitchen.

"L.J.!" Ziva smiled when the two came in, her grey-streaked hair pulled away from her face into a curly ponytail. "Thank goodness you are here. I need a cookie helper."

"Me, me, me! Pick me, Grama!"

ooo ooo ooo ooo

Tony's eyes were bloodshot as the hand-carved wooden casket, with its beautiful Star of David carvings was lowered slowly into the ground. The badge on the outside of his suit jacket pocket wore a black mourning band and Tony felt the band strangling him a second at a time.

The Cantor's voice was beautiful and sweet, full of sadness and grieving, but all Tony heard over and over in his head was "You didn't tell her. You didn't tell her. You didn't tell her." with the occasional "This is your fault."

"It should be me in there," Tony whispered.

"No," Gibbs told him, in his slow, thoughtful voice. Serious and firm, as if to say "Don't ever think that."

"It should have been me."

"It should have been you every day of the week. It should have been me. It should have been McGee. But it wasn't."

"It's my fault," Tony said, anguished.

"Would she say that?"

"It's my fault, Gibbs!" The words came out louder than he meant and Ducky and Abby turned around to stare at him, tears streaming down their faces. McGee's shoulders were shaking, but he didn't turn. The Cantor stuttered, but managed to keep singing with only a brief glance in their direction.

"It's no one's fault." Gibbs said. "It's their fault. And we'll get them."

"I…" Tony's breath was catching in his throat and his chest heaved, two tears sliding over his cheeks. "I love her, Gibbs. I never told her."

"I know," Gibbs said, his hand reaching out for the younger man as he fought to keep his composer. "Ziver loved you too, DiNozzo."

"I missed everything with her," Tony's words came out in a whisper. He struggled with himself the remainder of the service, his pain searing inside him as he kept his face mostly impassive. He stood silently as everyone said to mourners Kaddish. He watched blankly as person by person walked up to the open grave, picked up the spade and shoveled three scoops of dirt on top of the casket, put the spade back onto the ground and left the sight.

Finally, Tony and Gibbs were the only ones left. Gibbs went first, kneeling next to the grave and talking to Ziva as he dropped three small mounds of dirt upon the top of the casket he'd built for her.

"I love you, Ziva," he said before standing and making room for Tony to come up.

Tony dropped to his knees at the grave, his grief finally spilling over into tears that streamed down his face and his shoulders shook. "I love you, Ziva. I'm so sorry. I wanted forever with you. I should have told you sooner. I'm so, so sorry."

* * *

**A/N:**

**I've been working on this on and off since it was announced that Cote de Pablo was leaving the show. Just a little drabble. I know the premeire is on literally right this second, but I'm at work and haven't seen it yet, so here. Enjoy?**

**Thank for reading and, please, tell me what you think - good or bad!**

**Love, Thalia**


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